Definitely not the DAILY dialysis

It certainly has been a long time since I’ve written. I’ve been unmotivated and mimicking the life of a slug!

Things with Mark have been quiet and boring and, with kidney failure, that is a very good thing.

Mark went back to school in October. He is now teaching second grade. He thinks the kids are cute, but he says the paperwork and forms are way out of control. I can see that.

He’s been holding up okay with being back at work. Some days he’s very tired but for the most he is hanging in there.

He is still way over the weight limit to be active on the transplant list. It is hard to diet, but a new kidney would be a great incentive to me.

He still struggles with high levels of phosphorus. He insists on eating things like chocolate, nuts, beans and drinks more Cola than he should. I have to pick my battles so that is not one thing I will bother him with.

Right now we are at Image Guided Surgery in Union to see Dr. DeLaura for a check of his graft. The graft has been doing pretty good lately. We kept thinking it was going to conk out and he was going to need an emergency appointment to get it cleared out. We’ve been lucky these last few months! ! And for that I am grateful. For a while it was clogging every few weeks, and it was a pain for Mark to go to get it cleaned!

I’d like to see Mark get back on the active kidney transplant list so we can start moving forward in our lives. We have been in a rut for the last few years, so I’d like to think we deserve a break!

On a different note, some people have thought that I have been selfish when it comes to Mark’s kidney disease. While I rarely feel the need to defend my actions or what I say, I think this time I need to address this.

Living with someone with a chronic illness is not easy. It is not fun. And I didn’t sign up for this life.  I stay in this relationship because I love Mark, my wedding vows mean something to me, and I’m not shallow enough to walk away. However, much of this is Mark’s fault for not taking care of himself. That’s the bottom line. He is not a victim, but the cause. I tried to get him to care for himself but he revolted. He is in this boat because he neglected his health. Most days I am able to suck it up and deal with the cards we were dealt, but there are those days where I’m angry and disgusted. Other days I’m sad and tired of it all. Yes, I do bitch because a lot of the fun (vacations, late nights, time with friends, the spontaneity, etc) is give. Mark is always tired, not feeling well, or something similar. I suffer because of it. Most days I just accept it, but other days it is very hard to accept this boring life. We’ve lost a lot of our friends since Mark was diagnosed with kidney failure. I guess they are tired of us never getting together with them, canceling at the last minute or else they are just uncomfortable around us and our situation.

I’m much more social then he is, so it bothers me more. I’m not whiny or selfish. I’m not mean or uncaring. I’m just trying to deal with this life we have without losing myself and the things I care about!

ADDENDUM:

I wanted to update this…. Mark’s graft is all cleaned out now. It was not clotted, but it has a “few issues”. It’s all working well, and hopefully it will be good until spring break!

While I updated this, I also fixed the typos that this post had. Using a smartphone is not the best way to write a post. The keyboard sucks for a quick typist, and the Swype never seems to quite get it!!!