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Have you ever felt like “It’s always something?”

December 9, 2010 1 comment

I guess that’s how I feel these days. It’s almost like ESRD is one step forward, and two steps backward. So very frustrating, and honestly, it is always something with this condition.

We finally got the infection at the catheter site cleared up. I guess that the antibiotics and bandage changes finally did it. We were quite happy about that, as it’s been a long uphill battle with this since the sepsis hit in July.

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me. I took a half day to wait for the Slomin’s Security systems to come to put in another motion sensor. We’ve had a rash of burglaries in the area, and they are hitting too close to home. Our next door neighbor’s house was one of the attempted break-ins. While they didn’t get into her house, just the thought of someone trying was enough for me to take additional security measures. It’s easy to get lax with setting the alarm when we leave. It’s easy to leave the sliding door open when I go upstairs. So a little bit of caution would not be a bad idea here.

I got a lot of stuff done at home. I was able to clean the house, get the Christmas cards written out, addressed and stamped (and out in the mail this morning!), and actually catch up on some much needed “me time”.

I was actually feeling pretty good and positive overall. Better than I have in a long time. I was also on top of the world because my other blog entitled Life, Love, Laughter, and Logic was “Freshly Pressed”. What does this mean?? Well, each weekday, the editor at WordPress.com selects a handful of new posts to put on the homepage, known as Freshly Pressed. These posts represent the best and brightest content of the day. I was quite happy about this since I read those “Freshly Pressed” posts almost every day, and I think to myself, “wow, these people sure can write!” Now I am one of them. Quite an accomplishment in my opinion!! Woo hoo!!

Murphy's Law says, "If it can go wrong, it will!"

But as Murphy’s Law states, “If it can go wrong, it will”, and this proved to be the case last night. We’d just turned out the lights to go to sleep, and Mark told me that he could not feel the thrill (which is the sensation of the blood going through his graft). I tried to feel it, and I couldn’t feel anything.

I thought, “Oh great!!” Just what we need now! He just got rid of the infection, and now there is a new problem! When I initially asked Mark what he was going to do, he said he would call Dr. Ciervo, and he would try to get an appointment for Saturday. I nicely reminded him that he has dialysis on Friday, and he would need the graft to be working. He said he would be fine until Monday. Wrong answer.

Today he called the Access Care Center in Union, and he made an appointment for tomorrow morning at 10AM. I was hoping that they would fit him in today, but I suppose they know what they are doing.

I am not sure I would have handled this situation differently. I tend to get panicky in these kinds of situations, so that affected my sleep last night. I kept worrying about the “worst case scenario” such as:

  • Infection (sepsis again? Oh my, just shoot me now!)
  • Inability to save the graft (a NEW one? Another catheter?!!!)
  • More surgery?
  • Another hospital stay?
  • Missing the holidays?

You can see where my panic comes in?? I’m really good at worrying! It’s one of the things that I do BEST!! I totally excel at it!!! Mark is more laid back when it comes everything. Part of that is a good thing because we balance each other out. If I am not careful, I can let that worry and panic spiral out of control, and all of a sudden, I am a mess!!! So the key is to allow things to happen because I can’t change the past or the future. Sad, but true!!!

So we will see how the appointment goes and what the doctor says. Then I will know if I need to panic or not!!!

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