Jealousy or Judgment?

Are you judging me for the choices that I have made in my life simply because you do not agree with them? Or are you jealous because I managed to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and move forward?

cards-on-tableWe were both dealt some bad cards. I threw all my cards on the table, and I got myself a new hand. This was MY choice. You were also dealt a new hand of cards, but you chose a different path in life. This was your choice. Neither choice is wrong or right. It was simply the choices we made that fit our own particular needs and desires.

You have chosen to remain single. I have chosen to find a partner. These are the choices that we have made in our life. Personally, I would not want to spend years and years alone. It’s not my personality. I like being in a relationship, and I love the whole concept of marriage. Apparently you prefer to be single and have chosen to remain alone. This does not make you a bad person. But in the same token, my choice to be in a relationship with someone does not make me a bad person.

I have no idea (not even an inkling) why you dislike my boyfriend so much or why you express such sarcasm and bad feelings toward him. He’s never done anything to you. In fact you barely know him. Even if there were something about him that you do/did not like, you do not have to spend time with him and you rarely see him. If nothing else, I would think you would accept him as a part of my life simply for the fact that he makes me happy.

TomorrowisntguaranteedMaybe that’s it. Maybe you are unhappy with your own life, and you dislike seeing me happy and content. Maybe you thought that when Mark passed away, I would crumble and walk around with a “poor, poor pitiful me” attitude. That’s not me, and if you thought that it was, then you do not know me at all. Mark’s death made me realize that life is short, and no one is guaranteed tomorrow.

Maybe you think that I started dating too soon after Mark passed away. In fact I know that you thought I did. It’s okay. You were not the only one who felt that way. Several of my friends felt that I was setting myself up for hurt.  Yet I would have figured after a year and a half of sharing my life with my boyfriend, you would realize and understand that what I have developed with George is something serious. It’s not a rebound relationship. It’s not a fling nor was it ever a one night stand.

I don’t need to explain my time line for dating. Everyone deals with grief in his/her own way. I dealt with mine. That is not to say that I don’t miss Mark. I will be honest, there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him in some capacity. However, he is gone. He’s been gone for over two years, and he is not coming back.

After this last incident with you, I was told I was overreacting to the situation. I beg to differ. Had this been an isolated incident, I could concur that my reaction was over the top. However I have been subjected to snide comments from you for well over a year and a half. I am a very peaceful person. I rarely lose my temper. But when I am subjected to repeated comments about things that are no one’s business but MINE, I can snap and lash out. It’s not pretty, is it?

A friend told me that I should take you aside and tell you that your comments about me and my relationship are hurtful. At first I thought this might be a good idea. But then I realized that your comments don’t hurt me. I haven’t done anything wrong, nor has my boyfriend. I have no regrets about how I have lived my life since Mark passed away.

finishlineInstead I realized that your comments PISS ME off. Your inconsiderate comments are not hurting me, but they are hurting our friendship. After writing this (which is my way of venting and putting things into perspective), I am putting this incident behind me. I have brushed this off my back once again. I have a feeling it won’t be the last time that will do this. But there WILL be a last time. There will be a time when I am just too tired to care any more. And I will be done. Finish line reached.

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  1. Sandra Guntner
    February 17, 2015 at 12:22 PM

    Bonni, I really don’t know why I received this in my email as I don’t believe it concerns me. I want to unsubscribe, as well. Sandra

    • February 17, 2015 at 12:34 PM

      Hi Sandra! Haven’t seen you around! How are you? I think you signed up to receive emails of my blog posts when my husband passed away. You need to click the unsubscribe button at the bottom to opt out.

  2. sherry m.
    March 6, 2015 at 8:29 AM

    What a strong, courageous, beautiful woman you are. I stumbled upon your blog while I was searching for other things. I found myself intrigued by your life experiences and I couldn’t stop reading. It is wonderful you’ve found peace again and I just wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts in a place where others can read them and see that they are not alone.

    • March 6, 2015 at 9:20 AM

      Thank you so very much for your sweet comment! I am still a work in progress, but I am happy!! Thank you for reading, and I do hope you will follow along on my journey!! Have a beautifully wonderful day!!

  3. Sam
    March 1, 2016 at 3:40 PM

    i just happened upon your blog as I was searching for emotional abuse & being a widow. Your story mirrors mine so closely it sends chills up my spine (not to mention my husband’s name was Mark also)! From not being strong, to the jealousy of others now that I’ve moved on….our lives are very similar! Hugs to you & to us for overcoming our previous choices & lives! Would LOVE to converse with you if you would like!

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