Home > Life as a Widow > When you are important to another person…

When you are important to another person…

…that person will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies, no broken promises!

I have no idea who said that. It was just something I saw posted on Facebook, and I realized that it was so appropriate for my life these days. After years of feeling like I was not a priority in someone’s life, I realize that at this point in my life, I really am. It’s a refreshing feeling, and for the longest time I forgot what that was like. And I realize now that I DESERVE to be a priority and not an after thought! I took a backseat in a lot of people’s lives for a very long time. Now I’ve become a priority in someone’s life, and it is a great feeling.

What the hell are you talking about, Bon? Can you possibly enlighten those of us who are sitting in the dark wondering where you are going with this?

Last night I realized how much of a priority I was in someone’s life. I had asked G. to come over after work. Yes, I know that means about 12:15 AM, but as long as I am fine with it, and he is fine with it, no one else has the right to judge me or my actions, so let’s move off that topic. He agreed. No problem. No excuses. I like that about him. He owns his own business (which he works during the day) and then he works a full-time job at night. Yet, in spite of that, he still makes time for me (us?), and he has never complained that, on the nights he works his job, he practically drives past his own house to come see me (nearly 25 minutes south).

He wound up having to work late last night due to the weather, but he still wanted to come to see me. Never once did he hem and haw about coming over so late (even though both of us had to work in the morning) or being tired (even though I KNOW that both of us were). He’d made a commitment, and he was going to honor it. I wouldn’t have been upset had he wanted to go home right after work. Maybe I would have been a little bit disappointed, but I most certainly would have understood. I mean, what kind of person would I be if I did not? He didn’t get to my house until after 1:00 AM. I’d promised him something to eat, so I kept up my end of the bargain, and I made him a cheeseburger and french fries. I figure it is the very least I could do even though I never claimed to be the world’s greatest cook!

We just watched some television while he was eating, and then we went to bed – to sleep (PEOPLE GET YOUR DAMN MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!!) probably close to 2:00 AM. It was nothing special, but yet it was. It was last night that I realized that I AM an important part of his life. He came over because he wanted to, because he’d made a commitment, and because I am important to him and because of that,  he will find time for me. I can’t ask for much more than that, now can I?

This is all very foreign to me. I have to keep reminding myself that I deserve to be treated with respect and care. I think I forgot that in the last 30 (plus) years. I have spent so much time caring for the needs of other people that I lost myself in the process. That’s not to say that I was the “poor, forgotten stepchild” (think Cinderella). But over the years, my needs were forgotten because I spent so much time caring for others. What did it get me? Hmm, do you really want to know?

  • Low self-esteem
  • A feeling of discontent
  • An emptiness that nothing could fill
  • A sense of fear (and anxiety) about many things
  • A sense of inadequacy
  • Lack of assertiveness
  • Poor boundaries
  • Self-sabotage

All those things are not pretty. In fact, most are downright ugly characteristics to have. I think that the worst thing about it was the apathy that I felt on most days. It was exhausting to hide behind a fake smile. It was tiring to pretend to be happy and peppy and bursting with love when you felt anything but that!

A couple of months ago, something changed. I realized that I had lost myself in the life that I had made for myself. I pushed through the pain and the fear and the hurt. I found my own strength again. It was not G. who changed me, but it was ME who changed me. I was tired of the apathetic attitude that I had. It was an exhausting way to live. G. only helped me realize how wonderful I can be, and of course, he makes me realize that I DO deserve happiness and joy and fun and someone who cares.

I should have known it all along, but, like I have said on numerous occasions, I lost myself over the years. I had good years, but I think I have been lost for much longer than I ever realized! It’s a shame that it took me 50 years to find my happiness with myself and my life. It was always there, but I was just looking in the wrong places. I think it was always right in front of me, but the obstacles and blinders were preventing me from really seeing it. But finally, at age 50, I’ve found my “Happy Place”. It does not rest in anyone else’s hands. It is not a place that others can go. It’s a place inside of me that was hidden for so many years. Others can’t visit it but they can enhance the experience.

So what’s the point of this post? Well, I think it is that I am 50 and feeling FABULOUS for the first time in my life. The special people in my life have helped me realize that I deserve to be happy. Some have helped me find the happiness with only their love and friendship. The bottom line is that I finally unearthed my “happy place”, and I never want to leave it!

 

 

 

 

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