Home > Death be not proud, Life as a Widow, Loss of a spouse, Love never dies, New Journeys > My Facebook Status: Married vs. Widowed

My Facebook Status: Married vs. Widowed

Something feels different as I approach the four month mark of Mark’s passing. I feel different in many ways and the vise that has been squeezing my heart seems to have loosened its grip enough for me to breathe again.

Is it that I am now counting how long Mark has been gone in terms of months instead of weeks?

Could the reason be that I am closing the doors of our life together and beginning to open new ones without him?

Is it because I am learning to envision my future without Mark?

Perhaps it is because when I see couples together, I can smile and not immediately burst into tears?

Maybe the reason is that I now have a new and different support system who I reach out to instead of Mark?

As I sort/toss the stuff that WAS my life with Mark, it is a form of healing for me. With each article of clothing that I donate and each box that I sort through, I feel a little bit of the weight lifting from my world. As I pack the boxes and tape them closed, taking with me only the things that I want, I feel the door slowly closing to the life I shared with Mark.

In many ways I still consider Mark to be my husband, and until such time, if ever, I remarry, I suppose I could still refer to him that way. However, he is not alive so therefore I am a WIDOW. If I continue to refer to myself as married, I will never be able to move forward nor will I ever find happiness and peace.

facebook-widowedRight after Mark died, I thought about changing my Facebook status from married to widowed, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt like I was being unfaithful or minimizing what we had together, so I didn’t change it. I now realize that I can be “widowed” but still hold the memories of our life together close to my heart. By moving on and closing doors, I am gluing the pieces of my life back together, and it is what I need to do and what Mark would have wanted me to do.

So with that being said, I am going to change my Facebook status. Why now, you ask? All I can say is that I have my personal reasons and all you need to know is that it feels like the right time. Maybe some will think it is too soon. Others have told me that I should have done it months ago. For me, it is the epitome of healing, moving on, and learning to stand on my own two feet.

  1. Heidi LeBlanc
    May 6, 2013 at 9:23 PM

    Hi Bonni,
    Just wanted you to know I read your posts and keep up with how you are doing. Even though we have never met, I feel like I know you so well. It really hits close to home what you are going through now. I lost my beloved Dad 3 yrs. ago. Now I help to care for my Mom. I knew how much she was and still is grieving for him and always will, but reading your post has given me a better understanding of how she must really feel. After all he was my Dad, but that was her husband for 55 yrs. I have been by her side more than anyone could ever know, but I can not replace the man she loved for all those years. So we grieve together but I also try to get her to remember the good memories of him. And there were so many. I wish you much luck on your journey ahead. When you feel like you just can’t go on or want to give up, be good to yourself. Remember the love.
    Heidi LeBlanc

  2. May 24, 2013 at 8:03 AM

    Others (or ‘Muggles’ as we affectionately call them) have no right to tell you when it is right to do or have done something! I was part of the movement to add ‘Widowed’ to the list of relation statuses on Facebook a year or 2 back – before then you had to become ‘Single’ again(!!)
    4 months is not time at all, I am a little over 4 years now, it gets easier to deal with day to day life but you never get “over it”, and shouldn’t be expected to.

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