Quiet Acceptance….

11 weeks. Seems like forever, but at the same time, it seems like yesterday.

I don’t particularly care for living alone. Even though it is foreign to me, I thought I might like it. I don’t. It’s… well, lonely. Maybe it won’t be so bad when I finally find a new home that I can call my own. Right now I feel like I am living in a “Memory Box”. Every thing here reminds me of Mark. I am hoping a fresh start will make the day-to-day life just a bit easier. I don’t know. Maybe I will hate it even more.

This weekend is more sorting/tossing. Thank goodness for my wonderful friend who is helping me do this! If it were up to me, it would take me years to go through it all. When I do it alone, I tend to read and analyze every little thing. I find it hard to part with stuff, and I wind up just staring into space.

I have tolerable days and I have bad days. I seem to be coping slightly better each day and while  I wouldn’t call it an accomplishment, I suppose it is becoming quiet acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that Mark is gone. Acceptance that it WILL get easier with time. Acceptance that I will always love Mark. I even accept Mark’s words of wisdom on many different subjects and levels. I trust that he meant what he said and said what he meant. I believe the things he told me and I know he only wanted the best for me. I know he would approve of how I have handled things since he passed away. And I know he is proud of me.

Welcome to my life as a widow.



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