Home > Bereavement and Grief, dialysis, Life as a Widow, Loss of a spouse, Love never dies, New Journeys > 10 weeks (or 2-1/2 months) … and Easter is Here!

10 weeks (or 2-1/2 months) … and Easter is Here!

I wonder when I will begin to think in months instead of weeks. I can’t imagine that I will be saying something like “It’s been 26 weeks since Mark passed away”. I think at that point, it would be easier to say, “It’s been 6 months since Mark passed away”.

Today is 10 weeks since Mark passed away! I remember it like it was last night. I can’t believe it’s been 10 weeks (or 2-1/2 months) already. I still have moments where I can’t believe that Mark is really gone. I sometimes glance at the clock to see how much time I have until he gets home from dialysis. Or something will come up during the day, and I will want to send him a text to share it. Sometimes I forget that he is gone, and I will expect to see him when I walk in the door. I don’t cry as much as I did in the very beginning. Thank goodness for that because I am hoping that as the crying becomes less and less, my sinus issues will clear up.

None of this has been easy or fun. I miss Mark more than anyone could ever imagine. But even though I miss him, I am putting the pieces of my (shattered) life back together. It is a very slow process. It is painful, but I am very hopeful.  I know that I will never be the same. After all, how can the death of your spouse/best friend not cause you to become a different person? I’m hoping that this different person will be a better person. I have learned things as I have walked the road of widowhood. But those lessons will wait to be expressed until I am further on down the road.

Happy-EasterThis upcoming weekend is Easter. It was never a huge deal with Mark or his family. Sometimes his mother would cook and we would go there, but in the last couple of years, we would simply cook at home and call the family to say hello. Mark did teach me how to make a ham, but I couldn’t see myself making a ham just for me! I’d be eating leftovers until Christmas! I knew, after my mother-in-law had passed away, that the family would not be inviting me over for dinner so I simply resigned myself to spending the weekend at home with Belle. It didn’t seem like a horrible idea. After all, I knew that the “Year of Firsts” was going to be lonely and painful.

Then one of my friends asked me what I was doing. When she found out that I had no plans, she extended an invitation to me to join her and her family for Easter dinner. Initially I stammered and told her that I would let her know by Saturday.

As I was driving home, I had one of those “what the heck are you thinking” moments. I mean, here I was offered an invite to Easter dinner, and I was considering staying home alone? I don’t have to be a martyr! I don’t have to be alone. I am not pathetic for not having family with whom I can spend holidays! I thought how generous it was for my friend to offer to have me to her home, and here I was “poo pooing” it so I could spend the day alone eating canned soup and then complaining about it on Monday? Heck no! I called my friend, and I let her know that I would LOVE to go to Easter Dinner. I am looking forward to it! It will be fun, and I know I will have a good time!

I do have wonderful friends! I’ve always known it, but some of my friends have gone above and beyond what I ever could have expected! I’ve learned a LOT about friendship in the past 2-1/2 months! And with that thought, Happy Easter to all!

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