When Grocery Shopping is Painful!

I went grocery shopping again after work today. I didn’t go alone. I am so very grateful that my friend volunteered to go because I was actually able to walk through the store and buy things. I didn’t flee the store in a flurry of panic, and I managed to get my groceries home and in the house before the tears hit me.

grocery-cart-150x150Mark was such a big fan of food that grocery shopping was a weekly event. He did the computerized list and he took his shopping seriously. After all “FOOD IS LOVE”. Mark believed in stock piling food. If it was on sale, we bought no less than four of the item. He truly loved to shop for food, plan out the meal, and cook the food for the week.

I never liked grocery shopping, but I have to admit that Mark made it a fun event. He always found ways to make me laugh when he would crack jokes and do silly things. He would send me on a “mission” to find an obscure item while he loaded the cart with stuff that was not on the list. I knew he was doing it, and he knew that I knew, but it was a game that we played every week!  Mark got great joy at the supermarket. Now that he is gone, any joy that I had for grocery shopping is gone. Now I just find it to be a painful chore that is a necessary evil.

I never enjoyed cooking the food, and honestly he was a MUCH better cook than I ever was. So much about grocery shopping, cooking, and eating has lost its appeal since Mark passed away.  I prepare very simple meals for myself, and I don’t find the need to stock up on foods. I just buy what I need, and I get out of the store.

I do hope that some day I will be able to go into the grocery store by myself and not have a panic attack or an overwhelming bout of sadness. Food is Love. But now “my love” is gone, and nothing will ever be the same again.

Sigh…

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