Home > Death be not proud, stress > What I learned from Winter Storm Nemo….

What I learned from Winter Storm Nemo….

Heart of snow for Bunny

Heart of snow for Bunny

So a snowstorm ripped through our area. I dreaded it because I’ve hated snow and all that is associated with it since school snow days became a thing of the past.

The weatherman talked about doom and gloom. They were predicting a foot of snow with high winds that could cause power outages. That’s all I needed to hear. The panic started to settle in. I dreaded shoveling all that snow. I started fearing a power outage with no light and heat on a snowy night. I was afraid to be alone without Mark because he was the one who always balanced me.

I became a wimp. I left the office early once the snow started to stick on the ground. I always told people that I don’t drive in snow, but the reality of it all is that I did. I can’t remember the last time I left early due to snow. I just couldn’t stay at the office. I knew that I couldn’t take chances because if something happened to me there was no one left to take care of Belle.

I stressed all night over the snow falling. I worried about power outages and made sure I had flashlights around. I made sure that my iPad and cell phone were charged.

When I went to bed about midnight, it was a winter wonderland outside. The snow was falling heavily, and I went to bed fearing the worst, and feeling lonely and scared.

I woke at 7:00 AM. I figured that Belle would need to pee. I took her out, and there it was. A white winter wonderland. I stuck my ruler in the snow on the deck. The measure was 8-1/2 inches. I didn’t want to face it, so I went back to bed, dreading the shoveling that was going to have to be done.

I stayed in bed for as long as I could. Finally about noon, I went out to battle the white shit. I’d hoped that some teenager would knock on my door to make a few bucks shoveling out my driveway. No kids knocked. My next door neighbor didn’t come over, offering to help. In fact, it looked like he wasn’t even out yet because his snow was still virginal.

I shoveled the driveway and the sidewalk. I cleaned off my car and put it into the garage. It took me about an hour. I missed the fun that Mark and I would have when we shovel. We’d throw snowballs at each other. We’d make snow angels. We would chase Belle around the yard. Today I had none of that. It was a harsh reality that this is how it is going to be for me.

But I learned something from Winter Storm Nemo. I learned that:

  • I can shovel my driveway and sidewalk
  • I am strong enough to fight my own fears of storms
  • I can make a mean homemade French Onion Soup
  • Belle likes snow even if her Daddy is no longer physically with us

I’m not liking my new way of life. It’s going to take time to adjust and cope. It’s going to take a lot of grieving to get past this. I am going to miss Mark forever. But so far, in spite of daily (sometimes almost constant) tears, I am learning that I can be strong when I need to be. I have survived 3 1/2 weeks of being a widow. I have hated everything single minute of it, but I am surviving.

I am determined to push forward and come out a stronger and better person. I will need help. I won’t always be capable of asking for it. I will have my share of tears and pain and hurt, but I am determined to come out of this on the other side in one piece. I know I have to do it because that is what Mark would have wanted for me.

I love you Bunny… and I miss you tons!

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